The Girl Who Writes About Love, But Rarely Feels It

 

Dear world, 

You have heard of the saying “always the poet, never the poem” or “always the artist, never the muse.” It is an uncanny concept, to love and to never be loved. Surely, we are loved in order to love, that your passion is the poem and hence you are the etched surface which you write upon. To me, you are the inspiration for your work, that you yourself giving love is the same as receiving it and your thoughts on paper make you both the poem and the muse. 

Our desire to be crafted into something eternal by somebody we love is an innate human desire, we unfortunately have created personal hierarchies on the kinds of love we accept and in what ways we choose to accept this care. 

I have recently found myself in a situation where I myself am unsure about whether I am cared for by somebody I love. It has led to multiple attempts of trying to connect, reconnect and trying to hold onto feelings that I refuse to allow to disintegrate. This is the feeling of trying to be the poem, trying to be written rather than to write. It feels like forcing a pen into the hands of a child and asking them to write you a story despite not knowing how to read or form letters. 

Alas, no matter how many attempts and tears erupt from pressuring the four year old to write something as elementary as their name, they cannot. 

How would you know if you were the poem? How do you express your desire to be written? Is it a self-absorbed expectation? 

From juhi