The Cards Didn’t Land, But the Moment Did

 

Dear world, 

“Okay now, so now I’m going to give you this ace, and then ask me ‘is this your card?’” I blinked twice, confused as I usually am and asked my friend, “Is this your card?” She pulled off the most theatrically-shocked expression as she could and exclaimed “Yeah, your trick worked! That was my card!” as she gaped in disbelief.

I recently watched a YouTube video on how to perform a compelling card trick, and just because a magician will never reveal her secrets, I can’t provide you with the link to the YouTube video.

It made sense then, when my IT teacher slammed a deck of cards onto our table to congratulate us for finishing the syllabus to practice one of my many elaborate tricks with my friend. 

Of course, I muddled up the trick, facing two cards upwards, turning the deck over twice more than I needed to and even revealing the failed trick to my friend even though we had not gotten a successful attempt at recreating the visual masterpiece in the video. 

Like the magician I am, I became disillusioned with my own tricks and packed the cards away in disappointment when my friend decided to unpack the deck and try the trick herself. 

I can’t lie and say that I was overjoyed when she managed to understand the intricacies of the trick the first time, but she took her time, gently-parenting me through the trick to make sure I understood what I kept doing wrong.

This experience made me reflect, and realise that firstly, I am certainly not a magician, even though my whole life I practically wanted to be one, but secondly, that there is no shame in getting the trick wrong more than five times. 

I have become allergic to making mistakes in this way, when you can feel stress building up in your stomach to your throat, you think that avoiding the stress itself is an act of self preservation. 

This is why it was easier for me to watch the YouTube video than perform the trick, because forgetting the procedure, thinking about how to say ‘is this your card?’ in a wise way, and the fear of a total apocalypse although unlikely is always possible to an overthinker, was far too great a risk than restarting the trick. 

However, the more I tried the trick, and in the last moments of my friend’s guidance teaching me the trick herself, I realised that there is far more to moments of anxiety than failing but the weight of having to swallow not trying at all. 

From Juhi